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Paint Me A Picture (Spongebob Squarepants Fanfiction)
Paint Me A Picture Synopsis Sandy & Squidward decide to form an art team after finding common interests in it as well as being challenged to a paint-off by Squilliam. Characters Squidward Tentacles Artists Little Girl Older Gentlewoman Rock Bottomites (mentioned) Sandy Cheeks Squilliam Fancyson III Spongebob Squarepants Patrick Star (mentioned) Judge 1 Judge 2 Bikini Bottomites Ms. Mildred Con Man Don The Whale Bubble Bass Police Officers The Story The story begins at Bikini Bottoms’ prestigious art museum. Squidward walks inside with a wheelbarrow full of his blank canvases. He takes a look at the other artists and scoffs. SQUIDWARD: Hah! These losers are great amateurs at the fine arts and the gentle strokes of the paintbrush! Their feeble attempts are NO MATCH for my perfection in beautiful waves of pointillism! Time to criticize! Squidward walks up to one artist who finishes making an amazing sculpture out of ice. SQUIDWARD: Sculptures?! Puhlease! Any ameteur can do that! Disgusting! ARTIST: Jerk! The artist walks away and Squidward walks up to another who finishes painting a portrait of 3D style shapes for a little girl. SQUIDWARD: Shapes?! This is art! Not Geometry! You are such a stupid braindead moron you follow me? The artist begins bawling his eyes out and the girl gets angry. GIRL: Nobody talks to my father like that! The little girl kicks Squidward in the groin with spiked cleats and sprays green paint up his nose. The little girl and her father walk away while Squidward sneezes the paint out and sprays it all over another canvas. SQUIDWARD: Wow, my nose smells like the inside of a industrial factory. GENTLEWOMAN: And my canvas which I was going to paint a beautiful seahorse on now instead exhibits a colorful mess only Rock Bottomites would enjoy! Peasant! The gentlewoman slaps Squidward across the face with her diamond purse and walks away. SQUIDWARD: Pfft, ugly old broad Squidward walks up to the third artist he is going to criticize, but he pauses when realizing that it is Sandy Cheeks. SQUIDWARD: Sandy? What brings you around here? Since when were you an artist? SANDY: I do have a love for science and karate but every now and then, I always like to take a break from the chemicals, math formulas & kah rah tae to dab in the paints and the creative mind. It's really energizing too! SQUIDWARD: I suppose. Even though you are tolerable, I am the true artiste which means I must criticize your planned artwork and.. SQUILLIAM: Hello Squiddy! Squidward’s jaw drops in shock and he turns to face Squilliam, who smiles back cockily. Squidward then forms a murderous looking face. SQUIDWARD: SQUILLIAM! SQUILLIAM: The third and not final! SQUIDWARD: Why must you attend this great art fair?! Its for lesser known artists and for the greatest artist ever! In other words, me! SQUILLIAM: What an incorrect & narcissistic statement first of all. And second, this paint off can be for anybody, the rules were not specific Captain Undies. SQUIDWARD: My underwear was dry clean only! And don’t focus on a Gym Class from 30 years ago! SQUILLIAM: You’re right…… you putting on makeup and mistaking it for chapstick in elementary school 35 years ago seems more fit to take a nostalgic trip on! SQUIDWARD: You monster! SQUILLIAM: Oh how roaring of you! And I see you have got a friend here! Pfft, I’ve seen prettier. SANDY: Ahem, what was that supposed to mean? SQUILLIAM: Didn’t I make it clear that I said there are plenty of prettier fish in the sea, unlike you? Sandy angrily grabs Squilliam by the nose and holds him to her face. SANDY: Listen here you privileged little princess! I come from the South! And we do things differently than what you are used to! Keep acting like a thorn to us and you are getting the far opposites of Southern Hospitality! Sandy releases Squilliam and for once, he genuinely shows a thread of fear. SQUILLIAM: Chill out Squirrel girl, I was just playing around. I actually hope you do a bit well in the paint off to come, but Squidward on the other hand will be an utter and complete disaster! SQUIDWARD: Thorn! SQUILLIAM: Tootles Squiddy! Now please stop rubbing off on other people’s insults towards me! Aha! Aha! Aha! Squilliam leaves to go and get a glass of apple juice. SQUIDWARD: I hate that stupid little nematode! SANDY: I can absolutely see why. Sandy then grabs a paintbrush and a blank canvas. SANDY: So now let’s go and beat this butthole. SQUIDWARD: Ha! We?! SANDY: Would you rather stand around and have him beat you yet again? SQUIDWARD: I’ve been losing to that jerk since before I could walk! SANDY: So now, let’s win against him before you get too old and need a cane! SQUIDWARD: Are you making fun of my middle age? The scene cuts to Squidward & Sandy walking up to the judge’s office. SANDY: We should go meet the judges first, get acquainted with them and possibly better our chances at winning. SQUIDWARD: What? You have no faith in my amazing talents of the arts?! GENTLEWOMAN: Peasant! She slaps Squidward across the face with her purse again. Sandy & Squidward enter the judge’s office and much to their shock, find Spongebob putting googly eyes on a miniature pineapple. SPONGEBOB: HEY SQUIDWARD!!! HEY SANDY!!! SQUIDWARD: Spongebob?! What are you doing here?! SANDY: Are you one of the judges? SPONGEBOB: Ditto! SQUIDWARD: How?! The only thing this moron could judge is if his or Patrick’s fart is smellier. SPONGEBOB: It was Patrick’s SQUIDWARD: See! SANDY: Relax Squidward, there are three judges, he is only one, and give him a chance! Here come the other two now. Two older and more professional looking art judges come up. JUDGE 1: My name is Judge # 1 and this is my partner, Judge # 2 JUDGE 2: We have very basic & unoriginal names. SANDY: I see SQUIDWARD: Could you by any chance disqualify Squilliam from the contest? SANDY: That could be an option but it won’t make you win against him Squiddy. JUDGE 1: And he hasn’t done anything wrong, so not happening. SQUIDWARD: Phooey! JUDGE 2: So, are you thinking you are going to do well in this paint off? SQUIDWARD: Why yes! I am Squidward Hubert Quincy Tentacles! The best, most famous artist to have ever lived in Bikini Bottom! SPONGEBOB: But weren’t you voted the most garbage of the arts on social media? Not that I think that or anything but.. SQUIDWARD: Shut your mouth Spongebob! JUDGE 1: You think art is all fun and games, but listen, here at the paint off, we take the creativity very seriously. Do you follow me on the fact that this contest is no joke and you are here to be professional correct? SQUIDWARD: Yes, yes sir JUDGE 2: Good JUDGE 1: Now get going to the art room, we are beginning. SPONGEBOB: Good luck Squidward! Even if you lose, I will still vote for ya! I got your back! SQUIDWARD: You disgust me. Squidward & Sandy head off while Spongebob & the judges get ready. The scene jumps to the contest. Judge # 1 walks up on stage and introduces himself. JUDGE # 1: Ahem, good evening, my name is Judge # 1, and today, we begin the art contest. The Bikini Bottomites cheer. Squidward & Sandy wait out in the hall. SQUIDWARD: Come on Sir Bores A Lot, save time for the best celebrity here! SANDY: Squidward, focus. Judge # 1 turns the page of his introduction speech. JUDGE # 1: Now onto my second page of my 64 page packet on the do’s and don'ts of art. The audience goes from cheering to groaning. Squilliam is the only one that remains patient and Squidward bangs his head against the wall. SQUIDWARD: Fine, while this boring meathead reads as a bore, I will showcase my already existing and exquisite works to other people roaming about, so I could also win the popular vote! Right Sandy? Squidward sees that Sandy has already fallen asleep from the judge’s long speech. SQUIDWARD: Squirrels Squidward pulls his shirt up and takes out several self portraits of his he hid under his shirt. He walks up to a woman named Ms.Mildred. SQUIDWARD: Excuse me ma’am, does this amazing artwork appeal to you? It must! It's called “A Thousand Points Of Squid!” Ms.Mildred takes a gander at the self portraits, screams, runs and jumps right through a window. SQUIDWARD: Okay, that one didn’t count. Squidward then walks up to the Con Man and showcases a cartoony version of his “Moar” Face from “Just One Bite.” SQUIDWARD: Does this look unsure and beautiful to you?! CON MAN: I wouldn’t sell that hunk of garbage for even a dime! And I am a con artist! Wow! That’s ironic! The con man walks away. SQUIDWARD: I am getting angry! Squidward finally walks up to Don The Whale & showcases an album. SQUIDWARD: Hey Shamu! Here is my album! The first picture is of me playing the clarinet! The second! Me cleaning a toilet and it is not a fun job they say! Third, I suck the batter out of eggs & four, a Gym barbell being burned in a firepit! Wait what? Don growls angrily and punches Squidward down the hall making him land into concrete. SQUIDWARD: Ouch Squidward gets up, feels a tap on his shoulder, and turns to see the gentlewoman yet again slap him across the face with her purse sending him back to Sandy. SQUIDWARD: Double ouch SANDY: So how’d it go? SQUIDWARD: It could’ve went worse. SANDY: I see The judge finally finishes his long speech. JUDGE # 1: And that is why the colors Green & Orange must never be mixed together or you will get an invalid scheme. That’ll do, on to the contestants. The audience finish getting out of slumbers & groan in relief. Even Spongebob also fell asleep and is now waking up. SPONGEBOB: Morning already? JUDGE # 2: Our first contestant! Bubble Bass! The audience seldom cheer. Squidward & Sandy look back at Squilliam who snickers in return. Spongebob & the judges watch Bubble Bass sitting up on stage with a canvas. BUBBLE BASS: Thank you my fine folk, in this art contest, I will be showing you how to paint a quad patty with aged halluda! And yes it’s pronounced halluda, not how-do-dah! JUDGE # 1: Go on BUBBLE BASS: So first, you use the paintbrush too… (He drops it).... Oh shoot, pardon me. Bubble Bass gets up and bends over to pick his paintbrush up, his pants do not fit him causing his crack to stick out. JUDGE # 2: Ugh! He’s mooning us! SPONGEBOB: Disgusting! JUDGE # 1: 0/10! And disqualified! BUBBLE BASS: What?! Two Police Officers escort Bubble Bass out of the museum. BUBBLE BASS: What did I do?! JUDGE # 1: Next up, Angry Little Girl & Her sissy father. The audience cheers and the little girl with her artistic father seen earlier go up on stage and paint perfect 3D shapes in 5 seconds. Spongebob writes 9.5/10 while Judge 2 writes 8/10 and Judge 1 with 8.2/10. Ms.Mildred takes the stage and paints a beautiful diagram of fancy mansions. All three judges award her a 9.3/10. The Con Man paints basic dots on his new product called “Crime Creating Cartons.” The audience boos him and he is awarded a 0 by all three judges. CON MAN: Biased! SQUIDWARD: Trash at art! SQUILLIAM: Which you are Squidward! SANDY: Be quiet Squilliam! Don The Whale paints a picture of him even more muscular at the beach which Spongebob & Judge # 2 award him a 9.6/10 for. However, Judge # 1 rates him a 1.5. JUDGE # 1: Come on! He’s just rubbing strength I will never get in my face! A couple more ameteur artists create some basic paintings getting either middle or low scores on, the gentlewoman paints her seahorse on a new canvas getting a 9.8/10. Spongebob himself even pitches in for a fun round. Spongebob paints an exact replica of his living room. SPONGEBOB: I call this piece “Nautical Nonsense!” Spongebob is awarded a 9.4/10 by his colleagues. We finally get to the finals round after three semis. Squidward & Sandy prepare to face Squilliam in a team effort. Spongebob is now going to say the thing that must be painted. SPONGEBOB: Now this thing I am going to say is a real thing that must not be ignored as a thing and unregarded as a thing as this thing will.. SQUIDWARD: WILL YOU JUST SAY THE STUPID LINE ALREADY?! SPONGEBOB: Texas The audience cheers, Squidward groans in relief & Sandy fills with happiness. SANDY: Yeehaw! We get to paint my old stomping grounds! SQUIDWARD: Good for you. SQUILLIAM: And I am going to be the first to finish! SANDY: Nobody can paint Texas better than me you sad little! SPONGEBOB: Begin! Squilliam gets hard to work painting the lone star state. Squidward has never been to Texas before. SQUIDWARD: How am I supposed to paint the place?! SANDY: Give me the brush Squidward, I can do it and perhaps I’ll give you 75% of the credit. SQUIDWARD: Ah ah nope, I am the artiste so you should step aside! SANDY(annoyed): Putz Squidward begins painting what he thinks is Texas but ends up becoming a scribbled mess. SANDY: Squidward you are doing it all wrong! Let me help! SQUIDWARD: No! I got this! SQUILLIAM: It sounds like you don’t! Aha! Aha! Aha! SQUIDWARD & SANDY: Shut up Squilliam! Sandy finally gets the paintbrush out of her so called teammates hand and starts over on a new canvas. SPONGEBOB: This is very intense huh guys? JUDGE # 1 & 2: We’re your colleagues, not buddies. Sandy finally finishes her rendition of Texas. SQUIDWARD: Eh, I’ve seen better. JUDGE # 1: Time is up, would all artists now please showcase their pieces. SANDY: And how! Before Squilliam & Squidward/Sandy do the showcase, Squilliam suddenly thinks of something. SQUILLIAM: Hold on there judges! I would like to file a complaint! The audience gasps including Spongebob. Squidward angrily throws a paintbrush on the floor. SQUIDWARD: WHAT?! SANDY: What are you spewing on about now rich boy?! SQUILLIAM: It just occurred to my mind that there must only be two artists at a time in the finals! Not three! SPONGEBOB: There is? SANDY: No! SQUIDWARD: That is a load of barnacles! Spongebob & the judges whisper to each other to decide what to make of this. They finally rule in Squilliam’s favor. JUDGE # 1: Sandy & Squidward, you are disqualified for passing by the rules, like I care, Squilliam you win for the tenth year in a row, now can I make my meatloaf already? Squilliam cheers & dances. Squidward is absolutely livid and cannot believe this. SANDY: Let’s go Squidward, he won, we gave it our best attempt, I didn’t realize it could only be two at a time. SQUIDWARD: No! Squidward walks up to Squilliam and makes his own accusation. SQUIDWARD: You cheated! The audience once again gasps in shock. SQUILLIAM: No I did not! Accept your disqualification Captain Undies! SQUIDWARD: This so called artiste is a fraud! He deceived you all! He even hid already existing pictures of Texas under his robe since he never been there either! JUDGE # 2: Is this true Mr.Fancyson? SQUILLIAM: This little wuss is just butthurt that he lost to my professional skills behind the brush! SQUIDWARD: Watch! He does have those pictures! Squidward lifts Squilliam’s robe up revealing his polka dotted underpants as well as several polaroids of Texas and its culture falling right out. SQUILLIAM: No! No! Fishpaste! SQUIDWARD: Wait…… he actually did?! I was just guessing! SANDY(laughing): What in the barnacles?!! SPONGEBOB: Oh my! This contest is just getting crazier and crazier! JUDGE # 1: Squilliam you are disqualified and you’re winning streak is now over, okay enough intrusions, I want my meatloaf now. The audience and judges finally disperse. Now Squilliam is livid. SQUIDWARD: Booyah! SQUILLIAM: I...I… I need a vacation… Squilliam, still not accepting the fact that he lost, walks away. Squidward walks up to Sandy. SQUIDWARD: I’m sorry that we didn’t win Sandy, but on a brighter note I’m glad that Squilliam is now a loser at last! SANDY: We didn’t need to win Squidward! Because, at the end of the day, its all about teamwork and friendship, well sort of on the friendship part. You finally got past your narcissism and helped bust a deceptive cheater! Through an ironic twist! SQUIDWARD: I did? I did! Maybe a team will work after all! But I am still the best though, just saying. SANDY: Keep dreaming. SQUIDWARD: So wait? If we didn’t win and neither did Squilliam, then who did?! GENTLEWOMAN: I did you peasant! She slaps Squidward across the face with her first place trophy and walks off. Sandy & Spongebob approach Squid. SPONGEBOB: Squid? SANDY: Are you okay? SQUIDWARD: Triple ouch Category:SquidwardTentacles35